


Burning Gold

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, fire metaphors for days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 08:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6650095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's no better than a hopeless fool that puts his fingers out to play with flames, and it's too late when he hears Tanaka laugh like it's all a godforsaken jest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burning Gold

**Author's Note:**

> ok who can I blame for dragging me further and further into ennotana hell because MY GOSH

Loving Tanaka is like loving fire. It burns, scorches, sears - it hurts like hell whenever they _really touch_ \- but Chikara keeps coming back.

His desire to be torched doesn't ever waver, he needs the heat to breathe life into his cold existence always, and his eyes are forever drawn inexplicably to the passion that radiates and sets Tanaka's whole countenance ablaze. He's in love with a personality that ignites spontaneously, a body blazing, a smile white hot. God, he feels like he might be a pyromaniac. It's all fire, fire, fire and he's weak, weak, weak. Crumbling, charring, combusting.

In fact, he's no better than a hopeless fool that puts his fingers out to play with flames, and it's too late when he hears Tanaka laugh like it's all a godforsaken jest;

"All things considered, I never thought you felt that way about me."

And so Chikara laughs back, icy cold behind a warm exterior, burying his feelings in sand where fire won't reach it. "Don't be so full of yourself.” He taps his foot and crosses his arms. His tone is as light as a wisp of smoke. “I was only joking."

"You break my heart," Tanaka says, groaning and clutching his chest dramatically. His eyes are closed.

Chikara smiles gently, ignores every slice of irony, and pulls Tanaka into what they'd later refer to as 'a kiss between friends'.

* * *

 

At least it was supposed to be just a kiss.

It's not, anymore.

Unless 'just a kiss' escalates and escalates and escalates as time goes on.

Chikara doesn't even notice it growing so fast; still thinking he might be a masochist for playing with fire under the shadow of 'just friends' - but there's kisses and whispers and hands roaming skin. There's soft sighs in the night and teeth and tongue and aching in every possible way. There's intimacy, quiet and longing, amidst feverish touches and helpless prayers for release. There's a shift, when Tanaka becomes  _Ryuu_ and Ennoshita becomes  _Chika,_ only behind closed doors. 

He doesn't even notice he's screwed himself over until he's  _been_ screwed over.

Until he wakes up feeling like the heat of raw magma is melting him whole and there's a strong, solid chest by his side. 

Until he feels utterly wrecked emotionally and physically, and wishes he had never fallen in love.

* * *

 

They keep their secret like it's a dragon's treasure.

Locked tight in a chest with the unspoken name 'friends with benefits', where even Nishinoya's sharp gaze can't pierce through.

The libero takes pride in his position as Tanaka's best friend through thick and thin, so he probes. He questions.

"You and Chikara?" Noya asks Tanaka, on more than one occasion. His hands are on his hips more often than not, eyes narrow, and the question often comes when Tanaka's got his shirt half off. Chikara checks him for marks. They've gotten much too good at hiding them.

"What about us?"

"Is there anything you're not telling me? Anything at all?"

"Nah," Tanaka laughs, rustling Noya's hair as the libero squawks. Chikara smiles tightly, as Tanaka continues with his standard response;

"I'd never keep anything from you, bro."

* * *

 

They don't bring it up when they're alone. They don't bring up when it will end - all things do, and they can't be fuckbuddies for life, Chikara knows, god, he knows - but still, being dismissed as just some dirty little secret hurts.

Every empty kiss on his skin feels like a hot brand pressing down. It really hurts. 

Chikara is on the verge of incineration every time they fall into bed together, because he knows that to the fire he adores - he's just an experiment. A friend on the court, a classmate on the streets, a mess of a boy who has sex with him only for the fun of it, only as a test, only because they're friends that happen to do that.

He'll get thrown aside eventually. Probably for someone more beautiful, more honest, probably a gorgeous woman who sees glimmering stars instead of just fire, probably someone who isn't going to toss themselves to the flames because it's better that it hurts than feeling nothing at all.

He really must be a masochist. It's getting harder to breathe, nowadays.

But still, Chikara can't run away, he forbids himself to, because he's no longer a quitter. He will suffer the consequences he brought upon himself, and he will learn from his mistakes or tear himself to pieces trying.

He loves Tanaka, every part of him, and doesn't care anymore if loving Tanaka means he'll fall to ashes because of it.

* * *

 

Unexpectedly enough, it is Yamaguchi Tadashi - the one member of his team that Chikara sees his old self in - that opens his eyes.

They don't approach the subject, nowhere near, since Chikara doesn't want to scar sweet Yamaguchi for life, but the advice he gives the boy rings true for the situation all the same.

"I want to, I really want to, but I don't think I'll be able to take it," his underclassman is saying, on the topic of game pressure and new tactics. "I don't want to doubt myself anymore, but it's hard. I've ... always thought of myself as something of a failure and I just... I don't think I can do it."

"You're not a failure," Chikara tells him. "But if you want anything to change, you have to take initiative. If you really want something, you have to chase it, fight for it. No matter what happens or what people think of you, you're the only one that can change your own future."

"With all due respect, I don't think I'm even _capable_ -"

"Don't think about it. Don't beat yourself up over something you can't control. Don't ruin yourself thinking about the 'what-if'. As long as your heart is still beating, you can still get back up and try again." He takes a deep breath. "Don't let self-doubt control you. You are worth more than what you think. You always will be."

Yamaguchi nods slowly, speechless and a little teary-eyed. Chikara feels the same way. They lapse into silence, both collecting their thoughts.

"Thank you, captain," Yamaguchi says finally, just as Tsukishima appears at the door signalling that he hurry up or else he's being left behind.

"You're welcome," Chikara replies, both to his underclassman and to himself. He knows what he has to do.

* * *

 

The timing isn't good - but timing is never good when it comes to doing something that puts genuine friendship  _and_ emotions on the line, so Chikara decides it's as good as it's gonna get.

They're lying around, legs entwined and arms just anywhere really - they smack into awkward places sometimes but they're comfortable enough (that is, way too comfortable) with each other to just laugh it off - when Chikara readies himself.

 _It's funny,_ he thinks. That he's closer to Tanaka than he'll ever be - that he could ever wish to be - all because they held the umbrella 'just friends'. People are so weird, sometimes.

"Hey, Ryuu?"

"Yeah, what?"

Time to jump into the fire. He turns his head so they're looking at each other. Tanaka raises an eyebrow, but his smiling is glowing, entirely unaware.

"What is it, Chika?"

What will the dragon do without his treasure, Chikara wonders. He closes his eyes, and with all his might, dives in.

"I love you. I've loved you since the beginning."

And if he emerges as ashes, may he be not a crow but a phoenix, and rise again.


End file.
